24th of August 2016. The day my beautiful baby boy was born. Alhamdulillah he was perfect. Allaahumma baarik lahu. After 3 days of agonizing labour, being induced on the fourth day and then having a c-section. My baby boy was here.
I remember the beautiful memory in theatre of when they held my son up in the air as soon as he had been taken out of me. I remember the shear joy on my husband’s face as he was the first to come in contact with our son.
I also remember trouble already starting from the evening of my son being born when I had received a visit from my mother in law and everyone else. It aches and hurts me even thinking about it.
I never received a congratulations from anyone. Certainly not my mother in law. I remember the look on her face and the first words that came out when she saw her grandchild for the first time. “OH,he looks like his mother. What a shame he doesn’t look like us. Yea he’s going to be exactly like his mother.”
My mother in laws sister; “well it’s better he looks like his mother than he looks like you.”… I remember this being the only time anyone laughing.
At this stage I was trying my utmost best to just smile and hold the tears back. I just about had enough and was counting down the minutes of when visiting time would be over.
The month before my son was born,I thought I’d ask my grandmother in law to choose a name. I was specific that I’d like for it to be a prophet’s name from the holy Quran. A few days before me going into hospital, someone had sent a list of possible names that I were to choose from in an open family WhatsApp group. We had opinions of what names it should be left right and centre. I had already discussed with my husband prior to my son being born which name we had picked from the list. However this had changed as soon as my mother in law entered the room.
I didn’t get a say of what my own son’s name would be! I didn’t get a say in anything at all. And my husband did not have a backbone to say anything at all. It turned into a huge arguement where my husband made the point that his lovely mother had the right to name his son more than I did.. Yea cos she gave birth to him too ! I finally persuaded my husband that we could hyphen both names that were chosen by my mother in law and I. He agreed. Till this day,it’s only me that calls him by his first name… no one else. Everyone else followed the leader.
I no longer had the urge of wanting leave the hospital. I no longer wanted to return “home”. This was just the beginning… just you wait until you hear how I was FORCED to stop breastfeeding! (To be continued…)
A Bitter Sweet Journey 